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Authoritarian Parenting, Authoritative Parenting and Permissive Parenting – their effects on children

Parenting styles are usually talked about in terms of authoritarian parenting, authoritative parenting, and permissive parenting. What effects does each one have on the children receiving the parenting? How will a child exposed to authoritarian parenting differ from a child exposed to permissive parenting? And is authoritative parenting really the best parenting style to use?

Studies (for example by Goodman and Gurian, 1999) have indicated that children who have experienced authoritarian parenting with strict parents often aren’t able to think for themselves or understand why certain behaviours are required. This would make sense as they are brought up to do things without questioning them. This is almost the direct opposite of permissive parenting methods. Children with authoritarian parents are often withdrawn or anxious and with low self esteem levels. Boys can also show anger and defiance as they get older. Authoritative parenting leads to these characteristics much less often.

Permissive parenting, often known as ‘indulgent’ parenting, has been shown to lead to immature, impulsive behaviour, with an inclination towards disobedience and rebellion. Boys of permissive parents are often likely to be low achievers, certainly less so than children exposed to an authoritative parenting style, and also less so than children of the authoritarian parenting method. Boys are often less self motivated than girls in terms of education, which adds weight to the link between indulgent parenting and low achievement.

Studies of authoritative parenting have shown that children exposed to this ‘democratic’ parenting style are the best adjusted. Whilst authoritarian parenting can often lead to differences in behaviour between boys and girls, children of authoritative parents show fewer differences in behaviour between the genders. They tend to achieve higher grades in school, be more helpful around the home, and have less social problems. Whilst the differences between strict parenting and authoritative parenting are evident, there are also differences between the children exposed to permissive parenting and the children in this group.

Whatever your parent style, everything you do will in some way affect your child. Whilst it is very unlikely that any parents will fall neatly into any of the categories, it is clear from studies and reports that the authoritative parenting style is the most successful. Authoritarian parenting is often considered to be harsh and bullying and permissive parenting doesn’t give children the frames and boundaries they need. If you love your children and think about how your actions shape their future then you are likely to be doing OK.

For more details of parenting styles refer to my free e-book “New Parenting Style” on http://www.newparentingstyle.com/index.html.

Learn from Home with an Online Parenting Class

It is an overwhelming experience for every parent when it comes to bringing up their child. Whether you have one kid or ten, you’re not immune to the stress that comes from raising children. Good parenting, however, is when a parent acknowledges that they might not have all the answers and takes steps to learn more. Taking an online parenting classes, for example, is a perfect beginning. Parent education classes are just one of many services for parents that are available. Programs for parents and support for parents can make a great difference in how members of a family relate to each other. Online Classes Most of the parents may find difficulty in attending parent education classes, but the next option is to hire a babysitter, or something else. Presently, the net brings in a whole world to us and you can simply take an online parenting class which permits you to work through the course on your personal time. The best parenting courses are ones where the parents are able to talk to other children and instructors or teachers out there, thus helping you to solve all the problems that you have raising your children. This is tremendously useful since it may not always be convenient to apply what you understand in the session to your own family. If you find someone to help you, then it the best thing. What should one look for in an online class for good parenting? The main thing you need to look is the academic qualification that the course teacher possesses. Are they a parent? Did they study child psychology? Know how they are eligible to teach about children. If they are childless and have no actual knowledge or experience with children, you can pretty much guarantee that they won’t have a lot to give! However, someone who has studied or has practical experience (years as a teacher or therapist, for example) or both, can be a real aid to struggling parents Getting encouragement for parents is very important. If you feel all alone as you try to deal with your children and raise them well, chances are you’ll feel overwhelmed more often. Programs for parents that include a social side are generally the most effective. You can have a personal meeting with parents who had undergone such problems that you are facing. While the true lessons are vital and very necessary, it’s generally the capability to connect with other parents that actually influences people. You will soon realize what exactly parenting is when you meet other parents as well as know different parenting techniques to raise them well. Usually, parents are very tough on themselves. We think that things are much worse than they seem, particularly in the early years. When your 3 year old has bad tempers every day for a week, you begin to wonder if he’ll still be hurling himself on the ground and screaming at university. You really feel that you are raising a frightened child if your child startles at all that he or she sees! The botherations of a parent are never ending, but having a professional explain things to you is often a break when you know that you haven’t done such a dirty job nevertheless. You’ll learn where you need to make adjustments and then you can implement the changes to become an even better parent. Parent education sessions can help you change the way you converse with your children, for the good. By choosing an online parenting class, you can easily study without leaving the house and still learn good parenting skills that will serve you for years to come. It’s important to get encouragement for parents, as well and numerous online programs for parents offer this option. A parent has several other duties to perform, and not only classes, so search all the resources that are presented online.

Attachment Parenting: Parenting in a Detached Society

ATTACHMENT PARENTING:  PARENTING IN A DETACHED SOCIETY

By Stephanie Lehane  (January 2009)

There is a modern-day debate surrounding a centuries old practice that has been coined “attachment parenting”.  To first understand the controversy, one must define the term attachment parenting.  Attachment parenting is a way of child-rearing that serves as a guideline, rather than a rulebook, for parents to better understand the non-verbal communication they receive from their infants, babies, and children.   At odds with this concept is the parenting style popularized at the beginning of the twentieth century and passed down for several generations since. 

The three main modalities of attachment parenting as they relate to infants and babies are  breastfeeding, babywearing, and co-sleeping.  It seems the mere mention of any or all of these invites a plethora of advice and opinion.   In the face of all of the scientific data pointing toward breastfeeding as the best form of nutrition for babies, women of previous generations will often advise that new mothers bottle-feed.  This same troupe of well-intended matriarchs often tends to rally behind the concept that a baby, even an infant, can be spoiled.   And of course nursing mothers who opt to co-sleep with their infants receive dire warnings of increased risk for SIDS and children who will be in high school still climbing into bed with mom and dad.  Yet, for centuries, mothers out of instinct and necessity carried, cuddled, breastfed, and co-slept with their babies.  It wasn’t until the advent of modern medicine and the advancements of science that mothers began to question their innate sensibilities in favor of advice from professionals, typically men, who would tell them that there is a new and improved way to raise a healthy baby. 

THE CONTROVERSY

Breastfeeding

All mammals nurse their young.  So why is this form of feeding and nurturing human babies controversial and how and when did it come under attack?  To be sure, breastfeeding mothers have an easier time avoiding stares and unsolicited advice when they choose to feed their babies in public today than they did a decade ago.  But some stigma still exists as a throwback to a more puritan, sterile era where doctors and formula companies alike, worked to convince society that not only was formula a better choice for babies, bottle-feeding was a more modest option for women.  The first commercial baby formula was invented in 1860 by Henri Nestle in Switzerland and became popularized during the Industrial Revolution when women were leaving the home to work in factories.  Bottle feeding reached its height in popularity during World War II with only 20-30% of women in the U.S. breastfeeding at all.   Many women still choose to bottle feed their babies today as it is seen as a more convenient method, in spite of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ current recommendation to exclusively breastfeed infants for six months and continue to nurse through age one.  However, breastfeeding is gaining in popularity during the Information Age where modern parents are growing confident in its overwhelming benefits for both baby and mother.  According to renowned pediatrician and father of eight, Dr. William Sears, not only is breast milk a sound nutritional choice, but the act of breastfeeding itself encourages the bond between mother and child.  In order to become successful at breastfeeding, mothers must be able to interpret baby’s cues and trust in their own instincts.  Mothers become child-centered and focus on their babies’ needs and how to meet them.  Likewise, baby is able to tap into and interpret her mother’s social signals and trust that her needs will be met.  A symbiotic relationship develops wherein both parties to the breastfeeding partnership must ebb and flow together.  Breastfeeding is often viewed as the first and most important aspect of attachment parenting.

Babywearing

Babywearing in all its various forms dates back to the origins of recorded history.  Anthropologists have uncovered ancient etchings depicting women carrying their babies wrapped in cloth as they worked, walked, and cared for older children.  Across cultural lines, many methods of wearing babies exists and a recently there has been a resurgence in popularity in the developed world.  However, around the same time as breastfeeding began to decline, so did the art and practice of babywearing, particularly in the West, and for the same reasons.  Mothers began to listen to the advice of their doctors who explained that holding and carrying their babies too much would lead to spoiled babies.  All sorts of inventions and devices, such as strollers and playpens, began to emerge as places for women to put their babies so as not to spoil them.  It took only a couple of generations to figure out that the opposite is actually true.  Babies who don’t receive enough tactile stimulation from being held are less organized, cry more, and in extreme cases experience “failure to thrive” which means they do not grow and develop as they should.  Recently, a Motrin ad was pulled because of the backlash from a new generation of babywearing moms and dads offended at the ads suggestion that babywearing is a new fad, something done to be seen as trendy and fashionable.  These parents opine that carrying baby close to them is not only convenient, but is a wonderfully fulfilling way to build a bond with their baby.  There are several different styles of babywearing devices such as slings, pouches, wraps and carriers and in some areas parents can find consultants to help them decide which style is best for them and their lifestyle. 

Co-sleeping

This is perhaps the most controversial of all of the different areas of attachment parenting.  Certainly, it may seem odd to western parents used to the concept of creating a separate nursery for baby, complete with crib, changing table, dresser, and rocking chair.  Historically, co-sleeping, or the practice whereby infants, babies, and/or children sleep in the same bed with their parents, has been a common practice worldwide.  Since the nineteenth century, this practice has decreased in popularity in North America, Europe, and Australia as separate sleeping arrangements became affordable and desirable.  Among the reasons opponents of co-sleeping cite in favor of separate sleeping arrangements are the possibility that a parent could roll over and inadvertently crush or suffocate her baby, increased risk of SIDS, and the inability of older babies and children to become independent and sleep alone.  However, recent research has shown significant benefits to babies and parents who co-sleep.  Studies have shown that co-sleeping may actually reduce the risk of SIDS due to the baby mirroring his mothers breathing and sleep-cycle patterns.  This is because a major factor in SIDS deaths may be the inability of babies to regulate their breathing, thereby actually “forgetting” to breathe.  Additionally, babies in the family bed experience shorter and fewer deep-sleep states.  This is important because prolonged states of deep sleep, such as occur after long bouts of crying or sleeping alone, are potentially another major cause of SIDS.  (Note:  co-sleeping is not recommended when parents smoke, use drugs or alcohol, or are obese).   But the number one benefit proponents of co-sleeping cite is more sleep for all.   The family bed may be particularly convenient for breastfeeding mothers who can easily resume nursing until both mother and child drift peacefully back to sleep.  These mothers point out that there is no awakening to the piercing cries of a hungry baby, frightened and alone, adrenaline pumping for all as bottles are warmed and parents attempt to stay awake to feed him, only to have him re-awaken when returned to a cold crib sheet.

So it seems that modern parents are beginning to embrace the wisdom of ancient times.  As tightly-knit communities wane in favor of loosely-knit networks, individuals are more connected and yet more alone.  The paradox of today’s society is that it is both easier and more difficult than ever to be a successful parent.  There is more information available to parents than at any time in history.  Yet, information comes at a price:  if not careful, it can take the place of instinct.  In the end, the best approach for parents is to read, research, and understand available parenting methods and then trust themselves and their babies to do what is best.

Ref.  Baby Matters, Dr. Linda Palmer

         Askdrsears.com, Dr. William Sears

         Breastfeeding in a Bottle Feeding Culture, Tina Rychlik

         Wikipedia